Lessons Learned From the Pandemic Part I: Ikigai

I am not going to lie. Like many of you reading this, the Coronavirus pandemic has absolutely devastated my professional life. Since the Indianapolis Symphony sent an email on March 12th informing us that our rehearsals and concerts were to be suspended, my entire life changed almost instantaneously. I spent a long time grieving (I will get to this in a future post, but just so you know, if this was you too that is OK!). For the first 6-8 weeks I could barely work up the motivation to get out of bed and head to the couch for long binges of Netflix. I was totally lost and did not really know where to turn. After all, being a musician, it is not only a career, but a means of identification. Being a musician is not just what I do for a living, it is who I am. If I was not able to be a musician, then who am I? What am I worth? The answer: a lot.

As horrible as this pandemic has been, it has given me a lot of time for reflection and thought; time that I wasn’t afforded before. I have learned an incredible amount about myself and those around me, and I believe that I am better for it. I am looking forward to sharing these lessons that I have learned over the course of the next few months through regular blog installments. Please follow the Candid Clarinetist on social media for updates!

When I finally scraped myself off the couch from watching 14 seasons of Survivor re-runs (Jeff Probst if you are reading this, please cast me), I thought that one of the best things that I could do moving forward was to reach out to as many people as possible in careers that might interest me. Having been fed up with reading about the chronic failures of orchestra managements, I was motivated now more than ever to explore becoming an arts administrator. This is something that I had always thought about, as I felt like I could have a greater impact on the orchestra world from the management side than I could from the stage.

I was fortunate in my formative years to be a frequent sub with the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, and I am forever in debt to the fabulous Todd Levy for taking a chance on me and allowing me to play with them on a somewhat regular basis. The current President and Executive Director of the orchestra is Mark Niehaus, who is the former Principal Trumpet of the MSO and held that position back when I was subbing with them. I figured that he would be a perfect person to talk to since he had made the transition from being a performer to being part of the management team of the orchestra. He was very gracious with his time and agreed to speak with me.

After essentially talking me off the cliff (he basically said don’t do it unless it’s something that you REALLY want) he got to talking about something called Ikigai. Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means “a reason for being.” Basically, Ikigai is a way of living your life where you satisfy four major pillars that when compilated, result in a satisfaction and a sense of meaning to one’s life. The four pillars are what you love, what you are good at, what you can be paid for, and what the world needs. Mark encouraged me to explore my Ikigai and figure out what portion was missing, and he emphasized that I absolutely do not need my career to satisfy all four of these pillars. After thinking about it, I figured out that my job was satisfying two and half of these pillars: what I am good at, what I can be paid for, and the half was what I love. Full disclosure, I do love music and I believe the world does need music, but the last few years, I had kind of lost my passion for it. The pandemic has rekindled my passion for music; more on this in a future installment!

I had successfully identified what the one and a half things missing in my Ikigai were and those were what I love and what the world needs. I do love music, but I also have several other interests that I never really cultivated to their full potential. The world needs a lot of things, and I knew I could find something to satisfy this pillar. Enter two projects that I have been working on since May of 2020: the Candid Clarinetist podcast and the Candid Clarinetist twitch channel.

I have always wanted to be a content creator, and this pandemic finally afforded me the time to make this dream become a reality. I started the Candid Clarinetist podcast because I knew that there were so many amazing people in this industry and I wanted to introduce them to the world, but also to help students, aspiring musicians, and everyday people learn more about what it is like to be living as a professional musician. I get emails, Instagram messages, text messages and Facebook messages frequently about how much people have enjoyed the podcast and thanking me for what I am doing. ‘What the world needs’ pillar has now been satisfied.

Now that I had established this brand of the Candid Clarinetist, which I intentionally branded as myself rather than branding the podcast, I was able to do whatever I wanted. As some of you may know, I am an avid gamer and I have a great community that I play a miniatures game with. There is a constant thirst during this pandemic for more content, and so I wanted to create a platform where I could stream my games over twitch and just see if it would stick. Sure enough, after 5 months of streaming on the platform, I now have over 200 followers, over 60 subscribers, and I recently just got my first paycheck from Twitch. It has been an incredible journey where I have met some incredible people. ‘What I love’ pillar has now been satisfied.

What is the biggest lesson I learned from fulfilling my Ikigai? The biggest lesson I learned is that Sam Rothstein the musician is only part, granted, a large part, but a part nonetheless of Sam Rothstein the person. My value is not inherent with my ability to be a musician. My friends and family don’t care about me because I am a good musician, they care about me because they love Sam Rothstein the person. I learned that I can do anything I want to do, and that I can do it the same way that I became a good musician; by working hard, staying curious, asking questions, and sticking with it even when it becomes hard. Frankly, I don’t really know what the future is going to hold for me. I love being an orchestral musician, and I know that I will be back to doing that sooner rather than later. However, I also love a lot of the things that I am doing now like designing websites, streaming games, podcasting, editing videos, and a host of other things that I didn’t even know how to do 6 months ago. I used to think that I needed to spend every waking hour of my day devoting myself to becoming a better musician. The funny thing? I feel that I am playing better now than ever before because I have satisfied other aspects of my life that were neglected for so long. The future is bright for all of us, and I encourage you all to explore your Ikigai.

Thanks for reading!

Sam Rothstein aka the Candid Clarinetist