Lessons Learned From the Pandemic Part II: It’s OK to not be OK
At the start of 2020 I was not ok. Then the pandemic hit and I was really, really not ok. I needed help and more importantly, I needed to ask for help. I have struggled with depression for my entire life. Depression is incredibly pervasive in the music industry, and I feel that it is a topic that isn’t talked about as much as it needs to be discussed.
As musicians, we are trained to work through our problems by practicing our inconsistencies until they improve. This is great for a discipline like music because there is always something to work on. There is no such thing as a flawless performance. Something could always be more in tune, more nuanced, more special. We are trying to achieve perfection in an area where perfection is unachievable. This is also the problem. Many musicians transfer these habits to other areas of their life; their relationships, their home life, and their mental health. We are never trained to ask for help because we always feel like we can figure it out on our own.
I am so incredibly thankful for my amazing wife. As I was struggling through this year and she began to get more and more worried about my mental health, she said something very profound; “You know Sam, you don’t have to feel this way. Nobody should have to live their life feeling the way you do. You can ask for help”. This struck me in a very deep and meaningful way. I thought that literally everyone was experiencing life the way that I was, and that they were just sad or angry and simply put on a happy face whenever they were around others. I didn’t know that you could just be, well, happy!
I began seeing a therapist regularly and was prescribed medication and you know what? I feel SO much better now! I am a completely different human than I was 12 months ago, and all for the better. This is not to say that therapy and/or medication will solve all of your problems. They won’t. But, they can give you the tools you need to help you feel better, and this is something that many of us can’t fix in the “practice room”.
In the interest of being perfectly candid, as I always try to be, I absolutely dread my therapy appointments. Every time. They are incredibly scary for me and there is always the thought of “well I don’t need this anyway and I can feel better on my own”. Guess what? I DO need them and I CAN’T feel better on my own. But you know what? That is OK! It is OK to fear for the future of your industry. It is OK to be sad about something. It is OK to grieve for loss. But it is also OK to ask for help, because there are a lot of things in life that we can’t fix by practicing like we can music. At the same time that I always dread my therapy appointments, I also always feel so much better after them. I find my therapist to be a very interesting and engaging person, and it is just nice to have someone to talk to for an hour, if nothing else.
I created this podcast and this blog to help people along their musical and life journeys by sharing my experiences and what I have learned from them. It is not easy to open up about one’s depression. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to admit you have a problem. It took me 32 years of living to realize that I have an issue that I can’t fix myself. If any of you reading this find yourself in a similar space as I did a year ago and need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I will be here for you just as you are always there for me. Remember, it is ok to not be ok, and it is also ok to ask for help.
All the best,
Sam Rothstein aka The Candid Clarinetist
